I kinda keep doing this thing. The thing where I promise to start writing on my blog again and then I end up forgetting about it. For over 6 motnhs. Sorry.
But needless to say, I needed the break. The last year, I have gone through a lot of different stuff that has changed me, just a tiny bit. I ended 2013 with a new attitude towards life. I do not know what happened, but one day I woke up and decided to stop torturing my body and start trating my body right. Did I do that? Sort of.
The thing is, that sometimes when you have lived with an eating disorder or just generally not allowing yourself to enjoy specific kinds of foods, well, then you may end up going crazy in them. And that is exactly what I did. I have spend the last 3 years of my life restricting myself and so of course I would enjoy them!
The only problem is, that when you start eating a lot more than you are used to, you put on weight. Now, for me, it was a mix of birth control and a new found appetite that made me put on around 20 pounds. Yes, you heard me. 20 pounds!!
The 20 pounds are not as bad as they sound. Because I was on the edge of being underweight, the 20 pounds made my body act normal again, and I actually feel better now. And the best thing of it all? I have boobs!!!!
Yep, you read it. I have not been able to fit my normal bra for over 2 years. And it makes sense since I lost 13 pounds in the beginning of gymnasium.
The thing is, eating disorders are a lifelong battle. I still have bad days. But in the beginning of my second year it was horrible. I thought I could control it, instead I lost it. I do not even want to look at my pictures from christmas. I look like a skeleton in those pictures.
But I have started to eat healthier again. I got another type of birthcontrol that does not make me a bottomless food craver! (TMI??)
I am happy and I feel like everything is how it is supposed to be. I basically could not ask for any more.
- Amalie
